Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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