And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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