my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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