"it" just moved
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
