mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
