and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
