I wish I only lived at night.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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