I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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