he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
