I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
