He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
