we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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