she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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