when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
