i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
