I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
