Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
