She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch