Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.