Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.