Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
23 Times Kids Said the Harshest Things
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
21 Rich People Confess The Best And Worst Things About Being Wealthy
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.