You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
