Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
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I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
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A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
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