Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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