"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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