You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
