My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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