Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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