I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
