dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So gin and wine won't be happening again
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
