Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
too bad you live with your parents still
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
