Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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