the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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