and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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