I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
