Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
