I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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