Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
