My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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