No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
