Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
