i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
