I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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