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he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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