i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
