Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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