physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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