I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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