my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize