I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
