Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
