your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
