Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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