The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i think i just lost a toe
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
