if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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