Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
