I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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