I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
