Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
