Kiss
Puke
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
