On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
