we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
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I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
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She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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