..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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