i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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