it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
