dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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