My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
