so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
