Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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