Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
