my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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