You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize