I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
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he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
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The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize