he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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