your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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